To document my journey I want to start from the beginning. Five years ago in 2012 I was training for my first half marathon, the Provo half. My best friends and I committed to run the race together and we began training. I loved to run. My preferred workout was running 3 miles whenever I was needing a good cardio work out. I hadn't tried long distant running yet, but I was excited to push myself. I was a couple months into training and my next run on my training schedule was a 8 mile run. We were camping up at Mount Pleasant that weekend and I enjoyed an awesome run and some nice outdoor scenery. At the end of my run I did some sprinting to help increase my speed and it all felt amazing. The next day I had another run scheduled and I started running excited and ready to enjoy my run. I was about a mile into running when I felt my knee give out. It wouldn't hold my weight and I had to call my husband to come and rescue me.
I iced my knee and rested it for a week, hoping that it would heal quickly and I could resume my training. At first I was very hopeful. I would run 3 to 5 miles before my knee would give out again. Slowly the length of my runs got shorter and shorter. I realized that the half marathon was not going to happen and I decided to find a doctor to investigate what was wrong with my knee. The first doctor I saw couldn't find anything wrong. He gave me a cortisone shot in the wrong spot on my knee and told me he couldn't do anything except experimental surgery. Needless to say I looked for someone more experienced with running injuries. I found an amazing doctor Dr. Toronto at the Olympic Oval in Salt Lake City. He diagnosed my injury as a pinched nerve. I had extra tissue in my knee that would expand when I ran and it would pinch my Peroneal Nerve on the Left side of my knee. My low point was the day I was walking to pick up my kindergartner from school and my knee gave out three times. The school was only one block away. Dr. Toronto recommended Dr. Cooley (he was the doctor that did Tiger Woods knee surgery). He was the best option I had to fix my knee. I met with him and scheduled a nerve release surgery at the Park City Medical Center. The surgery went well and I felt some hope that I would be able to return to my normal activities.
Trying to run after I couldn't use my left leg for so long proved to be difficult. I spent many hours crying over my week leg. I had no muscle left and I knew if I wanted to do anything I needed to rebuild it. A couple of my running friends told me about the book Born To Run. I loved this book. I had always loved to run and I indeed felt like I was "born to do run". From that point on I did everything barefoot. I felt like it was a way to change my knee and maybe change the way I was running enough to help my knee rework its mechanics. I bought a stationary bike and I found TRX. I slowly rebuilt my leg. It took me two years to do a normal squat, but I was so proud when I did it. I even had a friend make me a pair of huarache's. Yea barefoot sandal's.
I felt hope for the first time in years. I wanted to make some goals and to keep progressing. I decided to train for a half marathon again. I wish that this story had a happy ending. I got up to 6 miles and I started to have nerve issues. My foot would go numb for days after I ran. I cried some more and realized that if I wanted to prevent nerve damage I needed to give up my old love. The last race I did was a Valentines Day 10 k fun run. It was humiliating. I used to be a fast runner. I could outrun all of the boys in elementary school. The last race I did I had to walk most of it and I wanted to scream at how unfair it was that I had permanent damage.
That is when I found P90X. I fell in love with the program. Tony was what I was looking for. I did the original P90X for two months and really enjoyed it. We went on vacation for a week and I decided to instead of finishing the original program I would try P90X3. It is a 30 minute program and 30 minutes was the perfect amount of time for me. I finished P90X3 and I felt amazing. I lost 8 pounds, could do a real pull-up and push-ups were easy. I felt strong and fulfilled for the first time since the day of my knee injury. When I finished I sent in my pictures to Beach Body and I got my free t-shirt. It was a proud moment for me.
I had always enjoyed climbing and I felt so good that I wanted to try going to the climbing gym. I had build up my arm muscles and I felt like I had found my calling. I did P90X3 and would go climbing twice a week. When I started climbing I would climb until I couldn't use my arms anymore. I would drive home with T-rex arms and loved ever minute of the pain. For my birthday I got my own climbing gear. I was really happy.
At the end of October 2015 I somehow injured my foot. I don't remember a particular moment. There are three way it could have happened. First, I was doing Insanity at the time, barefoot as usual and I could have developed a stress fracture. Second, I had talked to some other climbers about my technique and I was focusing a lot on using my feet on the wall. Third, I was driving from Grand Junction, CO to Salt Lake City, Utah and I was stuck in traffic for over two hours. When I arrived at my mom's house I could't bend my toes down. They where stuck in a flexed position.
I rested my foot for a couple of weeks and tried to find non-impact ways to work out. I put my climbing membership on hold in December 2015 because we were going to be gone for two weeks during Christmas. I was planning on starting back to the gym after the holidays. Throughout December My foot would ache but it wasn't all the time. I decided to do P90X3 again in January instead of climbing because my foot still bothered me. Now this is proof that I have a high pain tolerance. I finished two months of the program. I modified some of the moves if it required to much presser on my foot. The straw that broke the camels back was our 10 day trip to Disneyland and the Grand Canyon. We where walking 10 to 13 miles a day and my foot was in excruciating pain by the time we came home. I couldn't walk with out limping and babying my foot.
That week I went to a local Podiatrist. He took some x-rays and gave me a cortisone shot on the top of my foot. The shot was terrible. I felt a pop when the needle went in. The x-ray showed two hair-line fractures and maybe a cyst. I went a couple of weeks to see if the shot would work. I also got orthodontic's to help make my foot more comfortable. The shot helped but after a while the pain came back. I went back for a follow up appointment and the Doctor ordered a MRI. A week later I was sitting in his office waiting to find out what the MRI showed.
There where two things he prepared me for. The first was a bone spur, the second was a cyst. Nothing could have prepared me for what he said. The MRI showed a black sesamoid bone. The bone was dead. Somehow the blood supply to the bone was cut off and my bone had been decaying over the last eight months. Well.....That explains why it hurts so much. The technical term is Avascular Necrosis of the Sesamoid Bone.
The Doctor told me that I could wait for the bone to decompose and see if it still hurts (this could take years). Or I could have surgery. I scheduled surgery for the next Friday. Now, I have to stress that the doctor did not tell me a lot about my condition. He made it sound like a normal everyday procedure. When I went home and googled the crap out of AVN of the sesamoid bone I realized what I was up against. I couldn't find anyone who would recommend having it done.
After a while I found a blog http://taylorjustbeingreal.blogspot.com/. She had a positive experience and was pain free. I also found out that my previous neighbor had Sesamoidectomy surgery on both of her feet and she is pain free as well. I am trying to decide if I should have surgery. I need to find a Doctor with a high success rate that I can trust. The hardest part of this week has been dealing with the loss of my identity. I was beginning to see myself a certain way. I couldn't be a runner anymore but I could be strong and I could climb. I am heart broken and torn. I have to decided if I want to spend two months on crutches and 6 months healing from a surgery that might work. I also have to suffer the loss of another part of me that I loved. These are things that brought me true joy. The kind that make your soul fly higher and your mind and body happy. I have suffered this loss before. It is crushing. It suffocates and kills a part of me.
I can't help but fight to be positive. That is who I am. I look at what I have left and I make changes and adapt. I always look for the good. Right now I am sad, I am grieving and I am scared but I will find a solution and I will find myself again.
